Radovan Karadzic Joins NectarVillage; goes on Trial

The Serbian New Age War Criminal joined NectarVillage today; it will be his first and perhaps last trip to arts festival BurningMan.  Mr. Karadzic plans to camp with HeeBeeGeeBee Healers where he’ll be practicing his three strongest healing modalities – energy healer, biofeedback and murdering any Bosnian Burners that may amble into the HeeBee chill space.

Karadzic currently resides in a cell in The Hague but after long delays and set backs the International Criminal Court has decided BurningMan is the best medium to put him on trial.

At night Radovan who has chosen the Burner name ‘Radost’ meaning ‘happiness’ or ‘joy’ in Slavic will go on trial at the Death Guild.  Each night starting at 3am-ish  Death Guild will have a special ‘Two Enter One Leaves, no we really mean it this time’ match.  Radost will get a chance to face of against other international war criminals including Liberia’s Charles ‘Dusty Chuck’ Taylor, Yale’s George “Kennebunk’ Bush and Canada’s Naomi ‘Commie Mommie’ Klein.

NectarVillage head honcho Soup was asked how he thought Karadzic would do in NectarVillage and at Death Guild, “He’ll fit in fine at Nectar, we’ve had war criminals camp with us before and we got along with them like a storm. How Karadzic fares at DeathGuild is anyone’s guess but one his grasp of energy work and great HeeBee meals can only help.”

When Radovan was asked what he thought his toughest challenge would be while at the Black Rock event he stated, “I’m most worried about shaving, I hear it’s a real bitch out there.”

Best Complaint Letter Ever?

I read this letter over lunch and laughed out loud and felt a peck of envy I hadn’t written something like this before

http://timesnews.typepad.com/news/2009/01/apparently-sir-richard-branson-thevirgin-bossthought-this-was-the-funniestletter-of-complaint-hed-ever-received——dear.html

Its great Richard Brandon responded…

Obama sells BurningMan ticket on craigslist

Shortly after being inaugurated the 44^th President of the United States President Obama announced he was selling his BurningMan tickets on craigslist.  “I’m totally bummed but if we are as a country to pick ourselves up off the ground and dust ourselves off it would be hypocritical of me to be covered in playa dust.” 

President Barak Obama who goes by the playa name ‘Barak Obama’ has been to BurningMan two previous years. 

In 2005 he led the Chicago Fire Conclave during their Burn night performance.  “You think he gives a good speech?  You should see him spin poi” said Bubblebear, a campmate that year. 

BM org issued an official response expressing regret and understanding.  “I met him down at Human Carcass Wash a few years back and he seems like an ok guy I guess,” said Larry Harvey.

 

Barack made the statement attending an inaugural Ball put on by BurningMan, named ‘Burning Green Balls 2009’ which featured acts Bass Nectar and showing art by Alex Grey and some crazy motherfucker in a fake fur coat.  The President was asked to spin poi for the attendees but the idea was quashed by Secret Service and the president soon left for the next Inaugural Ball on his list.  “I got the tickets hella cheap” the President was overheard saying as he left, “but I can totally get $300 on craigslist.”

Cartel involved in BurningMan

Gerlach, NV – Federal officials announced today that a Colombian drug cartel had involvement in the desert arts festival, BurningMan.  Undercover BLM agents made the discovery while investigating a camp named ‘Medellin’.  No action was taken at the time because no criminal activity was discovered.  “You can’t bust people for giving out pickles and very tasty iced vodka lemonades even if they run the a global cocaine empire.” said agency spokesman Titus Bramble.  Reaction from the BurningMan community varied from shock to amusement.  “2C-B, Ecstasy, Nitrous, sure, but a fucking cocaine cartel!”  blogged one burner known only as “SlyDog”.  “Dude, I’m so finding their camp this year, I’m sure it will be hella overcrowded,” chimed another blogger “dustylizard”.

The Medellin cartel, named for the Colombian city they were founded in the late 80s is the worlds forth largest drug syndicate.  Though they are the biggest in South America they fall behind the Russian mob, the Triads and the CIA by volume.  The cartel was contacted to confirm the announcement.  “Si its true,” said cartel spokesperson Carlos La Boca Jr. “You ask why?  Well duh – the women!  Sure we got Shakira, but where else can you find a red hed with pierced nipples and a green muff? BurningMan, thats where.  And the arts pretty good.”  Asked if its true if they didn’t sell cocaine at the event, La Boca Jr. replied in the affirmative, “you ever tried to do a line in a 40 mph dust storm compadre?  Forget about it.  We tried to edge in on coffee sales in 2003 but BurningMan sued us — there lawyers are tough SOBs I tell you what.”  Will they be back in 2009?  “Si, yes absolutely – though we can’t do Camp Medellin anymore, we’ll have to blend in with another camp — HeeBeeGeeBee Healers or Giggsville are the lead candidates at the moment.

A spokesman for BurningMan could not be reached for comment by press time.

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